Ten Things to Remember as You Face Grief and Loss This Christmas

Angelic Health Spiritual Care Counselor Chris J. Gregas is a prolific book author and expert on grief.  He shares this advice and encouragement for those facing loss this holiday season.

#1: Remember it is a season, not a life sentence. Christmas is one or two days really, so we need to keep that in perspective. And know this - January 25th will not feel the same as December 25th.

#2: Grief and the holidays are not the time for you to thrive but to simply survive. This is not the time to be jumping high fences, but it is certainly reasonable to hang on for dear life. It is going to stink for many of us and that is just how it is. Hang on. This too shall pass.

#3: Have an escape plan for all of your travels. Do not go with people to events. You might not make it through the whole activity and if you have driven yourself, you can leave at any time. Fresh grief is unpredictable. Do not back yourself into a painful corner.

#4: The "empty chair" is real, and we cannot change it. But we can address it. A good way to deal with feeling the loss of someone this Christmas is to set up that "empty chair" and talk to that person and tell them how you feel - good, bad and ugly. It is amazingly therapeutic. And it is only weird if they talk back. Haha.

#5: Refrain and perform as many traditions as you wish. You are the one who makes the call in this area. Others are going to urge you to stop or continue the traditions that you carried out when your loved one was here. You decide on what you want to do and not do. Period. End of story.

#6: Remember, Christmas is not really about you or me. Yes, we must live through it and presumably celebrate it, but the most important part of Christmas is the - first six letters. C-H-R-I-S-T. Bask in the beautiful and enduring story of God coming to earth so that He could save earthlings from sin and themselves. He is the One who is the Man of Sorrows and He is the One who has conquered death and the grave.

#7: Cry when you want to and laugh if it presents itself. There is no rule or condemnation for either. Embrace your grief. Run to the roar. Feel the full emotions of it and know that both laughing and crying are healing to your soul.

#8: Clear up any controversy you with God. You may be mad at God right now. You may think that he was on vacation when your loved one got sick and died. You have so many questions and few answers. But let God off the hook. He is the plane, and you are in the car. He sees it all and you and I see, one block at a time. When you can't see God's hand in a matter, trust His heart because it matters.

#9: Do not attend your personal pity-party for long. I didn't say don't attend. I don't think that is possible in the heat of grief and loss, but it does not mean that we need to pitch a tent up in Hotel Grief and Loss. Feeling sorry for yourself over extended periods is not healthy or helpful. Remember the goal in grief is to go from bad days to bad hours to bad minutes. Licking your own wounds obsessively will not quicken that process.

#10: Remind yourself that it is never going to be the same again. That might be depressing but it is choosing to swim in reality. You will never get over your loss, but it does not mean that you cannot go through it and redeem it. You are hurting. The next phase is healing. And the final phase is - helping others. You may not see that as possible right now, but it will be, and the magic of transformative tragedy will lighten your load for the rest of your days.

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